No I Am Not Crazy

This is an actual conversation I had with my dog. While I know dogs can not talk I swear to God I said every word reported and she talked with eyes, looks, and tail:

INT: Upstairs Boy's Bedroom, Dog on bed:

ME: Alright I am leaving for work want to go outside?

DOG: uh, no.

ME: Come on, I am leaving wanna go outside?

DOG: Are you deaf? Bye.

ME: OK, your loss.

INT: Kitchen, Me preparing a lunch of chips, soda and Peanut Butter and Jelly

DOG: (Suddenly downstairs) Is that Peanut Butter?

ME: Hey, need to go out?

DOG: Cut that crap out, IS THAT PEANUT BUTTER?

ME: What, you like peanut butter, sorry all gone.

INT: I walk towards to garbage and hit the foot petal and the lid opens. I take the semi-empty jar and get ready to toss it.

DOG: Hey, are you gonna throw that out?

ME: What's a matter?

DOG: Do not tell me you are throwing that out.

ME: Do you want this?

DOG: Hell YES!!!!

ME: I don't know, mom would be pissed if you get peanut butter on the rug.

DOG: Comeoncomeonecomeoncomeon....

ME: Alright, here you go.

DOG: You Da Man!!!

End Scene.