Happy Father's Day 2005

Happy Father's Day to all you Fathers out there. A father is a special thing and I hear a rare thing to have these days. I am lucky in that not only did I have one but he helped to shape me into the man I am today so that I may impart some of that knowledge to my son. Whatever my father said was gospel when I was growing up. And I got into several fights because of it, my momma might wear combat boots but dis my Dad and I was all over your ass.

Two true stories:

The first was when I was in 7th/8th grade. A school mate and I were talking/discussing something (I remember not) when I had a fact (from my father) that he disagreed with. The debate raged until he let fly with "IF that is what your father thinks then he is stupid." There wasn't much more after that as I had punched him in the face and he was down on his ass. When I returned home and my mother found out (his mother called) she dragged me down the street to apologize. After I said I was sorry and my mother explained my hero worship for my Dad, his mom said something and we left. On the way home my mother looked at me and said, "What a smart assed family, I am glad you knocked him on his butt and taught him a lesson."

The second was when I was home from college. We went from an Archie Bunker house in New York City to an acre of land outside of Cleveland, Ohio when I left for college. While staying there the first summer my Dad's new rider lawn mower broke and was sitting in the garage waiting for the service people to pick it up. It had been over a week and the mower was sitting outside where they told us waiting to be picked up. The grass was very tall and my Dad comes home from work and almost hits the mower because they said they were picking it up that day. He was very upset and was going to call the company again in the morning, I told him I would take care of it. He said thanks cause he was tired of dealing with it and was just very frustrated. I called the next morning and was being given the run around from the secretary when I asked to speak with the owner. I started to explain about what had happened and the broke mower and the wait when the guy said, and I quote "Listen kid, I run a very busy business here and have no time for this, we'll get there when the girl up front tells you we'll be there." I was so pissed right then I said "Listen, my Dad has been dealing with this shit for 2 weeks and now I am stepping in, he works his ass off everyday and shouldn't have to deal with this bullshit when he gets home, so here is the deal, get this goddamn tractor out of our driveway by 5pm today, fix it and return it by this weekend, if my father has to see this thing when he comes home tonight I will get several of my friends to drag it to your shop and throw it through your fucking window." At this point he started to say something when I said "Listen, I might be young and a kid but I am also stupid enough to do it, so don't fucking test me." Then hung up. Tractor was gone that day and the next weekend the lawn was mowed. Stupid yea, all for love, hell yea! Happy Father's Day!