Elves, Bloody Elves

Tis the season for carols, family and Christmas Specials. The perennial favorite in my house is A Charlie Brown Christmas. Mine growing up was The Year Without A Santa Claus, which until recently if you sang the Heat miser Song people would stare at you like you were insane. However one that everyone watches and has seen dozens of times is of course Ruldolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The story, the song, the claymation. It is all there. Years ago MadTV did a GREAT spoof on it putting Martin Scorsese at the helm to create a Goodfellas inspired Christmas special complete with Hermie the Dentist and Tommy Two Times. Awesome. Then the following year it was Coppola inspired as the Reinfather, Don Comet, Don Cupid, Don Donner Don Blitzen and the Head Elf waking up with a Polar Bear head in his bed. Again a hit. While watching those every year since (I taped and cherish them) I remembered something in the original that might have sparked this whole twisted view on a children's classic.

See at the end of the original, Santa stopped by the Island of Lost Toys to delivery these poor souls to wanting children. That is great and fantastic, and the toys are not fixed or changed in anyway. Toys being accepted for what/who they are, great message. Until the end while the credits are rolling and you see the elves giving these toys little umbrellas to float down into the arms of needy children. Then you see the dark side of these little creatures. Out of the bag comes the Owl that couldn't fly and the Elf takes the umbrella, opens it, looks at the flightless owl and tosses the umbrellas off the sleigh then sends the poor flightless owl into the wild blue wonder to plummet to his death. Did I truly just see that!!!!! How did that get past the People for Television Decency?!?!? How do you think that one ended, with kids all around hugging their toys from above except this one poor bastard whose stuffed flightless owl come screaming out of the sky and impales itself on the white picket fence in the backyard.

Merry Freakin' Christmas!